You matched. Now what? The first message sets the entire tone. Most people send forgettable openers — here is how to send one that actually gets a reply.
The One Rule That Beats Everything Else
Reference something specific from their profile. Not just “hey” or “you seem cool” — something real. You liked their photo at that mountain? Ask which hike it was. Their prompt mentions they make their own pasta? Ask what their go-to sauce is. Specificity signals that you actually read their profile, not just swiped on their face.
The Three Message Types That Work
1. The Question Opener
Ask about something visible in their profile. Keep it open-ended so they have something to answer.
✅ “That photo at the night market — where is that? I have been trying to find a good one near me.”
✅ “Your prompt says you got way too into sourdough during lockdown — did you ever stop or is the starter still alive?”
2. The Observation + Question
Make a light, non-creepy observation and follow with a question. Shows you paid attention and keeps the ball in their court.
✅ “Someone who lists both The Wire and Love Island in their interests — I respect the range. Which one would you watch on a sick day?”
3. The Playful Challenge
Works well if their profile shows a strong personality. Lightly challenge something they said.
✅ “Bold claim saying you make the best guacamole — what is your secret ingredient? (I will be the judge.)”
What Not to Send
- ❌ “Hey” — barely better than nothing
- ❌ “How was your weekend?” — too generic, feels like an interview
- ❌ Complimenting only their looks — comes across as shallow even if true
- ❌ A paragraph about yourself — first message should be mostly about them
- ❌ Anything that requires a one-word answer (“nice pics!”)
Message Length
Keep your first message between 1–3 sentences. Short enough to feel casual, long enough to give them something to respond to. A wall of text feels overwhelming. A single emoji feels lazy.
The Follow-Up
If they do not reply in 2–3 days, one light follow-up is fine. After that, move on. Sending multiple messages to someone who is not responding is a red flag for them and a waste of your energy.
